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Posted by / 13-Jun-2020 22:04

Live Like You’re Divorced If the main purpose of separation is to show you what life would be like without your spouse, you HAVE to live as if you were already divorced.

This means splitting up finances (don’t close your accounts just yet, but split up your money as if you were), staying in separate places, even splitting up custody of the kids.

It’s supposed to be a chance to reevaluate the marriage, and see if some new perspective changes the way you feel.

Sometimes we’re “too close” to our problems, and once we’ve stepped away, we can see our own contributions to them, how we may have been overreacting, or discover new solutions simply by looking at things from a new vantage point.

Here are a few of the most important: Time Frame If you decide to separate, set a time limit immediately.

Your time apart should be no more than six months – and in all reality, probably shouldn’t be any longer than three months (especially if you have kids).

When you are confident in yourself and fulfilled in your pursuits, you have so much more to offer another person in terms of connection and support. If you aren’t working on the things that caused you to separate, the whole thing is for naught.

Now, in the interest of full disclosure, some couples DO actually get back together after dating other people – it helps them realize what they were taking for granted, and how unpleasant the “dating world” can be.It’s not supposed to be a hasty decision, it’s supposed to be that last-ditch, “Hail Mary pass” attempt at getting things back on track when you feel like you’ve run out of other options.When you separate from your spouse, the idea is to get a taste of what life would be like without them.It could be working on things directly related to your marriage (or the problems that lead to separation), from anger management to problems with addiction, from taking parenting classes to working on money management…It can also be peripheral things that might not have been central to the issues in your marriage, but are “problem areas” for you nonetheless.

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You have to really get the sense of being apart – no sharing cars, “hooking up,” or relying on each other the way you did when you were “together.” If you let yourself fall back into old behaviors, you’re giving yourself a false sense of what splitting up will be like, and worse, giving yourself some of the “benefits” of marriage without the responsibilities – and you likely won’t work on changing the problem areas that lead to separation in the first place.