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Posted by / 12-Mar-2020 22:13

Intimidatingly handsome

After expertly dodging questions about his short, kinda-sorta fling with Miley Cyrus last year, he revealed he’s looking to settle down with someone he can share a future with.

“[I’m] looking for that wifey, Ryan,” he told Seacrest.

I can’t believe I get to spend the rest of my life with such an amazing human being.

Can my friend get ordained to officiant our same-sex wedding?

It didn’t take me long to realize I’d met my life mate.

You were funny, you were smart, you were caring, and so intimidatingly handsome.

It made the sometimes cold, sometimes lonely journey to find you so worth it.

Even if he isn't an asshole immediately and is more of a Crouching Tiger, Hidden Asshole. That Guy Who Takes a DEFCON 5 Shit In Miranda's Bathroom Without Closing The Door does not mean you get an Eccentric Genius card to pull out of your wallet every time you commit a dating faux pas. Whenever you see a cute youngish city dad putting a dinosaur Band-Aid on his kid's scraped knee, your lizard brain tells you to blow him immediately.

There are plenty of smart people who will not shit in my bathroom with the door open. That Phone Sex Guy From Chicago In the days of yore, the late aughts, sexting had not been invented yet, and people had to actually hear each others' voices when they were saying things about each others' private parts. The Angry Guy The abrasive, snappish lawyer whose toxic outlook on life turned Miranda (temporarily) into an optimist.

It was also most exclusively comments from obese black women.

Which happens to be my thing so it was pretty awesome.

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I promise to be an excellent parent to Sofia [our adopted puggle] and to the family I know we both want.

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